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I'm doing my best but I’m nervous, you wore a neon plaid shirt I can’t stop looking at, and the girls next to us are savagely roasting some guy named “Tony,” who I assume is an ex. I could be on a mountaintop with a shirtless Tom Hardy, who is longingly looking into my eyes while he tells me a secret he’s never told anyone, and honestly, if it’s longer than five minutes, I won’t make it the whole way through without thinking about his throwback Myspace pics.

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